(Written earlier in May)
As I write this, I am sat on the wall between Torre Abbey green and the beach, looking out to sea. I've been thinking that the only thing ruining this otherwise lovely evening (apart from the occasional stupid driver roaring past) is the couples who seem to make up the majority of the people walking past, or also enjoying the evening sun. I don't usually give in the couples/singles dichotomy (e.g. When I've been in a relationship I've made sure to not seem "coupley"), but I clearly feel in the minority and it highlights an aspect of my unhappiness. Indeed, I looked at my shadow and it was moving: upon looking behind me, the sun burned a silhouette of a smooching couple onto my retina.
As I write this, I am sat on the wall between Torre Abbey green and the beach, looking out to sea. I've been thinking that the only thing ruining this otherwise lovely evening (apart from the occasional stupid driver roaring past) is the couples who seem to make up the majority of the people walking past, or also enjoying the evening sun. I don't usually give in the couples/singles dichotomy (e.g. When I've been in a relationship I've made sure to not seem "coupley"), but I clearly feel in the minority and it highlights an aspect of my unhappiness. Indeed, I looked at my shadow and it was moving: upon looking behind me, the sun burned a silhouette of a smooching couple onto my retina.
Then I wondered how said couples would respond, if they could hear my thoughts. Some may rightly remind me that I should focus on being more grateful regarding what I do have. Some of them may claim that this should be 'their' time since the rest of the time is spent working, caring for kids or some other stress. I imagined how 'the town' would look if single people took over in the evenings and couples dominated the night. Obviously I am making generalisations in all this.
Now, I've been reading Slavoj Žižek, and his first chapter in Living in the End Times is called 'Denial'. It's absolutely fantastic and recommend everybody read it - especially those who identify as liberal. Denial has hence been on my mind. When I apply it to this topic, it becomes clear that we are often in denial of our own situations, and believe others' self-denial. Single life is hard, but there are things that make it easier. Life in a relationship is hard, but there are things that make it easier. Apologies to any Mormons: I can't comment on polygamous life.
Keeping this in mind, if I see a couple enjoying the sun, I am glad for them. They should enjoy the little things; as should the rest of us. We all have equal right to that. If they are showing off with gratuitous public affection then I remind myself they are not portraying a true reflection of life as a couple. They are in denial and I shouldn't believe it; just as couples shouldn't believe the image of single people "living it up", since it may be a coping mechanism enacted in denial. If they are truly enjoying themselves, then the couples should feel glad for those who are single, since they have something to enjoy. Life is hard for all of us. We can wish we were single, dating, single, married, Kermit...back and forth; or accept our own struggles and be glad when we each find things to enjoy. Wishing does very little, except for encouraging denial and frustration. Acceptance is key.
