Feel free to dip in to this as much as you wish, or completely ignore it...I mean, it's not like I'm monitoring who reads it...or am I...?This picture not only the reflects the terror of my readers now realising that I sound like a stalker, it is also relevant to the theme of this first entry: is it cowardly to demand rest?
Our culture is keen to indoctrinate us with expectations. We should be married by thirty, we ought to get a college/university education, it's better to be rich, to look good, to smell good and so on. One expectation - one which particularly resides at Oxford - is the expectation to work until we've reached our limit...then carry on working. Look at the UK education system. It's not about learning; it's about equipping kids to pass exams so they can move on to the next step in the system. Children in Year 5 are now expected to have the same knowledge as those in Year 6?! Of course both the young people and the teachers are stressed! As we get older, what happens to sleep? Pah! Sleep later. It's implanted subtly at uni, though, so we think we are inflicting such expectations upon ourselves. It's not "You will finish reading two more articles then you will sleep", it's "I'll finish this, then I'll rest". Yes, arguably those who go to Oxford already have such mentalities beforehand, but the point remains that such thinking is encouraged. Success is prioritised over one's health. If someone prioritises health then they're self-obsessed. Do you agree? Do you know if you agree? If my words seem exaggeratory then...well, maybe you're right. But sometimes we have to shout pretty loud before we're heard, especially if it's shouting over something deeply-ingrained in our culture (on that note, please see my girlfriend's blog on identity and work).
Oxford is a stressful environment and I couldn't deal with the stress in my second year. Should I have just pushed on? No. In my case I was diagnosed with mental illness. It took me about 14 months to realise that life wouldn't be the same...that I'd have to rest more. At the moment, I need more rest than is available if I had 'just pushed on' at Oxford. We are not machines or gods, but humans. I'm not exhorting people to become raging anti-authoritarians, quit their jobs and live off the land. I'm exhorting everybody to listen to their bodies (and minds) and take their limits into account. Courage comes in different forms. Personally, I hope to recover so I can return in a state in which I can deal with stress. What about the meantime?
Two things about me: I get bored easily and I get (more) depressed unless I have some routine. Hence, if I am truly going to rest then I'll need to have a bit of a plan. It's unhelpful to watch too much TV/Netflix, but it's also unhelpful to do nothing but sit and (over-)think. I'll need to strike a balance. So, I plan on doing a variety of things to keep me from falling into bad habits.
I will be going to Church weekly (which hasn't happened for a while) and will be meeting up with my pastor regularly so that I'm accountable to someone with authority whilst receiving spiritual guidance. I plan on exercising regularly, combining workouts with running/cycling to get my heart going. I'm currently collecting thoughts to construct a story (there are actually a couple of hints of its style in this entry) and I'll update its progress on here. I hope to start re-improving my musical skills, on the piano, drums and bass guitar; the same goes for painting and drawing. I should see a counsellor regularly, hopefully starting soon-ish, and plan on reading my Bible and building my relationship with Jesus daily. I aim to tutor in Spanish and Philosophy over the next year (please have a look here! https://tutora.co.uk/tutors/aakp24r4) and to have a driving license by Christmas. I haven't been able to do a lot of this recently due to suffering from exhaustion (apparently sleeping 12hrs a day isn't enough) but I suppose that's where the need for balance comes in. Let's see what happens!
That's it for June. 2 Chronicles 7:14.
Thought for the month: recall the past six months; consider your worst mistakes and ways your relationship with someone/some others have improved. How can you prevent the mistakes from recurring? What can you do to allow improvements in your relationships to continue?
